


Assume I'm just An Asshole

by mannersmakethmine



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4110879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannersmakethmine/pseuds/mannersmakethmine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the pack always finding Stiles and Derek in coupley situations and assuming they're fake dating because there's a new threat in town, and Stiles and Derek because the shits that they are just go along with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Assume I'm just An Asshole

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr by myself on manners-maketh-mine but I stayed up til late and made it a complete story. Will come back and edit it in the later morning.

Stiles and Derek are making out on the dance floor at Jungle when Danny sees them and he's like,

"HOLY FUCK",

and he texts Scott '911 there's a monster at jungle sterek needs backup' but they get there only to see that Stiles and Derek have moved to a booth and Stiles is practically dry humping Derek's lap, and Scott's like,

"WHERED HE GO?"

But Stiles is drunk enough to know that his best friend is panicked and upset but he's horny enough to know that if he can make him go away and get back to Derek, then he will. So Stiles stops attempting to suck hickeys into Derek's throat and gives Scott a good o'l, 

"What's up, buddy?" 

And Scott, still so panicked, says, "Where's the monster that you're hiding from?" 

Derek just side eyes him like he's crazy and attempts to latch onto Stiles's collerbone but he pushes the alpha away; he needs as much blood in his brain right now as possible to deal with this Scott issue, and then sexy times. 

"Scott, we're just-" is what Stiles attempts to say until Derek cuts him off with a big meaty man hand. Stiles will bite him if he does it again. 

"Yup, there's pixies, so me and Stiles are hiding in plain sight, but they went upstairs towards the emergency exit," Derek lies smoothly. 

Scott shouts a thank you and then he's off like a bat out of hell towards the emergency exit that Derek lied to him about. 

Stiles is about to protest but then that warm mouth and scraping teeth are back on his skin, and it's like he downed a three shots in succession. 

\----------

They're on their biweekly frozen yogurt date, at a new place called, "Menchies," apparently it's all the rave on the East coast but who knows. Theyre sitting inside because inside you can play jenga, with their shared bowl of Nutella fro-yo and two spoons, when Derek's cousin Malia walks in. She quickly spots them, her senses having gotten a lot better than they'd used to be, and sends out, 'the sterek signal'. The closest to them is Isaac who bolts into ththe small shop, looking like a deranged animal. 

"Jesus Christ," Derek mutters. 

Stiles will later tell him that he needs to keep his puppies on a better leash, which he won't diagree to. 

The betas rush over to the couple, trying to survey what kind of monster they're working with. From what they can tell, Derek sucks at Jenga and there's only on bowl but two spoons... 

Isaac recovers first and asks, "What's with fake-date?" 

Stiles blurts out, "Magic," 

Malia just blankly stares at him until he continues. When he does he says, 

"We're testing to see if there's any traces of magic in the fro-yo. Since I'm a spark I'm practically immune and fake-dates always a good cover to have were back up to right?" Damn, he's quick. He wasn't wrong though. They were testing the fro-yo, just for flavor purposes, and man did they pass!

\----------

 

Chris Argent's at Petco on adoption day because he finally accepted the fact that without Victoria, Gerard, Kate, and Allison, in his life, it was pretty fucking lonely. He's looking at chocolate lab, when he hears the familiar laugh of one Stiles Stilinski. Chris prides himself on being an observant man, and everyone in this small town knows what the Stilinski kids jeep looks like, but it wasn't outside. Just when he's about to ponder it some more, he sees Stiles round the corner, hand in hand, with Derek Hale and a puppy. A lab. What. 

Chris walks away muttering, "Weirder shit has happened," but he makes a note of calling Scott to see if he knows of his best friends new boyfriend. What he hears shocks him. 

"Oh yeah, Stiles and Derek have been fake dating to avoid a hoard of pixies. Maybe give Derek a call, help him with that." And hangs up before he can hear Chris chortle with laughter. There's no such thing as pixies. 

\------------

Stiles has been dying to see Mad Max: Fury Road since his dad had shown him the first two when he was kid, so of course he drags his boyfriends werewolf ass there to see it with him. It's 2 o'clock on a Wednesday, and the movies been out for over 7 weeks now, the buzz has long gone down, so it's just the two of them. 

Derek leans over the shitty arm rests that refuse to lift up, and begins to nuzzle at Stiles's face, just begging for attention; he may have paid for the movie but it doesn't mean he'll watch it. 

Stiles whines and pushes his face away, "Babe," 

Derek huffs in defeat until thinking of dropping to his knees instead. All he's doing is massaging his thighs and already Stiles's head has hit the headrest with thud. Derek moves his hands up a Stiles shirt, curling his fingers in the soft hairs he finds there, and continues upwards, causing Stiles's breath to hitch when he catches a nipple on his nail. 

"Stiles?" Someone stage whispers to him. Stiles jerks forward almost hitting Derek in the face with his movement. 

Stiles looks around what he thought was an empty theater until he spots Kira, on the stairs, broom in hand, with the local movie theater uniform on. He awkwardly waves. 

Apparently not caring since it's only the three of them, she says, "Why are you on the floor Derek? I may have a broom now but they're actually disgusting." 

Derek, the master that he is, chucks his wallet out and says, "Dropped it when I sat down, just noticed it." 

She giggles and walks away.  
\---------

Erica's at the 24/7 grocery store buying tampons and chocolate when she passes the frozen food section. She sees what appears to be Stiles and Derek arguing over frozen dinners. Her suspicions are confirmed when she hears Stiles say, 

"No, boo, you can't eat might man meals every day. It's horse meat." Erica balks away from the aisle at hearing her friend call her alpha 'boo'. Maybe Isaac was right about there being no pixies after all. Whatever she thinks, she has horror movies to watch and a Boyd to cuddle. 

\--------

Boyd would believe that Stiles and Derek were fake dating for a monster if every few days Derek didn't accidental sext him or send him a picture of his dick. 

Incoming message from: Derek

Hey baby ;)))))) 

To Derek: 

It's Boyd not Stiles 

Derek: 

... sorry... Again  
\-------------  
So finally Scott sees them at the park with their new puppy because 'goddammit stiles I'm allergic to cats I'm not scared of them', when he finally asks them where the monster is that they' re fake-dating from. 

Stiles and Derek just stare blankly at Scott because they have no idea what he's talking about. 

You know, Danny saw you guys at Jungle and he was like, 'there's a monster here!' And you guys said you were faking it out?" As Scott says this he feels like he should have known it was wrong but weirder things have happened. 

Stiles starts cackling and when Derek still looks confused he nudges him and says, "Remember, babe? I was like super drunk? And I was like, yeah just go with it, and then I stuck my finger in-" Derek's hand is clamped tightly around his boyfriends mouth. 

"Yes," he replies through gritted teeth, "I remember now,"

Stiles bites his hand and he shakes it off, continuing in what he was saying, "Anyways, we were on dates, did you guys really think there were monster attacks every time we were together?"

Scott just nods numbly.

Derek snickers. 

Stiles does his best friend duty and punches his were wolf boyfriend in the arm, "God dammit that hurt, now babe that still wasn't nice,"

Scott's nose shrivels at the nick name, "You guys are gross,"

Derek huffs, "You're just lucky Chris Argent didn't have my sense of smell when you and Alison 'weren't together' or you wouldn't be alive to criticize me right now,"

Scott's face goes red as he mutters, "Yeah whatever man, I'll see you later Stiles," and walks out of the park. 

Stiles turns to Derek and says, "I think there are some monsters under our bed,"

Derek, knowing his game, replies, "And just how do you suggest we get rid of them?" Stiles response is only a 'sexy' raise of his eyebrows.

This time there's no pack interruptions on their 'monster hunt' but that could have had more to do with Derek's mass text than their actual good inhibitions. 

'I'm fucking stiles at the loft, fuck off' -d  
'what he said' -s

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos ? Come and find me on tumblr 
> 
> http://manners-maketh-mine.tumblr.com


End file.
